Thursday, October 29, 2009

Mental Note

Example A- Do not blog about dear daughter allowing you to sleep at night. If you blog about being able to rest peacefully she will then proceed to beat the holy heck out you for a good two to three hours at bedtime. This will then prevent you from falling asleep anytime before midnight leaving you very tired and restless when the alarm starts its obnoxious blare at 6 a.m. Also, please do not blame Bandit the dog for not waking you up when it goes off like he normally does, he was tired too and needed that extra full hour of sleep just like you did!!! And remember, your co-workers did not prevent you from falling asleep, use words when speaking to them instead of grunts and dirty glares!!

Example B- Do not brag about your perfect complexion. If you do, by the time you get home and then proceed to wake up the following morning, you will have a ginormous zit located in the crease of your chin right under your lip! Cover up anybody?

Example C- Never comment on how well you feel at six months of pregnancy. If you comment on how you wouldn't think you were pregnant if it weren't for the test and ultrasound pictures, you will wake up the next morning with very sore boobies as well as a very tender lower belly due to your unborn child's acrobatic maneuvers while she should have been sleeping last night.

Example D- You now know that your child does indeed like Olive Garden! You know this because you can now tell the difference between her liking Olive Garden and disliking Taco Bell. DO NOT eat Taco Bell again for at least the next three months!

Lastly, please remember that just because you are married now and no longer use your maiden name, your true last name will always still be Murphy. You can marry, divorce, and then remarry nine more times and you will still have the Murphy blood coursing through your veins. You have heard of Murphy's Law, you have lived Murphy's Law, you know why they named the law after your family!! In the future please remember this, as maybe it will keep you from opening your big mouth about how well things are going. You should know by now that if you show the good in your life attention, the bad will come barrelling through!! Can I get an AMEN from my fellow Murphy's??

Now on that note, we are broke as a joke and tickled pink about it! Did you hear me Mega Millions, we are broke and glad. Teach me a lesson and now make me rich beyond words, I promise I will be unhappy, least until the new white Chevy Suburban gets delivered and the new house is done being built. I can be miserable with a home movie theater, gourmet kitchen, and jacuzzi tub, honest I can!!

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