I have always loved babies, the smell, the chubby legs, everything about them. Well almost everything, I could do without the poopy diapers and throwing up but I guess it comes with the territory. I was always fascinated with the thought of becoming a mommy yet was never able to picture myself as one. Today as I sit here typing this I realize I am becoming one. I have a tiny little being growing within me created by two people who had been trying for more years than I care to remember. I had finally reached the point of "if it happens, it happens", and if Nicole Kidman can do it at 40 then by golly so can I. Everyone always says "quit trying and then it will happen". I never clearly understood how you can just "quit trying" when you want something so desperately. I also don't know that we actually quit trying, I guess I just wasn't pouring over the idea quite so much.
This past year has been a struggle for me. My Crohn's or so the Doctor thought was going haywire and no medicine was helping, I was miserable and sick almost everyday. After almost a year with no relief I was really starting to lose my sanity. For a year I questioned whether it was my Crohn's causing my sickness and for a year my doctor ignored me. That was until about a month ago when he finally admitted that my gallbladder might be the culprit, something I had been screaming at the top of my lungs about for a year.
I was a week away from finding out whether or not my gall bladder needed to come out when the unexpected happened...I found out I was pregnant. I had been questioning it for a week and for a week I refused to take the test for fear it would be another negative. Imagine my surprise when instead of one line I got two...pregnant. My only reaction was too cry and to walk out into the living room waving the stick in my hand to show my Husband who had been saying all along...you're not pregnant, you have been late and queasy before. Not pregnant huh, well here's your proof Daddy. His only word was "cool". I still don't think the shock of becoming parents has hit us and I don't think it truly will until we see the baby on the monitor for the first time and know for sure something is growing inside of me. I am two months into this pregnancy which means that we have seven more to go. I look forward to the end when after years of trying to have a child I will finally get to hold one in my arms.
Plans for my gall bladder are on hold for now although it will be addressed once I have successfully hit my second trimester. There is a digestive specialist in my OB's office who has operated on pregnant women for this same issue before and she feels that he will be my best bet. I of course would love to be able to hold off until after the baby arrives but sadly I have been sick now for over a year and am desperate for some sort of relief. I also worry what these symptoms are doing to by unborn child? That doctor and the nurse have both reassured us that the baby is fine as long as the problem doesn't worsen. If it does I am to contact them immediately. I pray I make it another four weeks when I will be officially in my second trimester. Fours week is so short when compared to the seven more months until February 18th is upon us. In February my entire life will change...I will be responsible for another little human being and while I look forward to the challenge I am also sad for the fact I will more than likely not be able to sleep in again until the child is 18 and even then as a Mother will I ever be able to stop worrying about this child of mine?
I look forward to sharing the rest of this pregnancy with you and I can't wait for the moment when I get to start sharing the milestones of this baby. Please sit back and join us for this wild ride into parenthood.
Love,
Katie
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