Monday, June 21, 2010

One word...SHOCKED!

I know I have mentioned it time and time again but for those of you just tuning in, it took Daniel and I several years to conceive Addison. We had actually come to the point where my health, which was horrible last year, took priority over having a child and we set parenthood on the back burner. We made the ultimate decision for me to get better and that once that occurred we would begin the long process of determining why we were having infertility issues. Imagine our surprise that days after we had come to that decision we wound up pregnant with Addison. It's amazing how life sometimes turns out.

We found out we were expecting Addison on June 13th 2009 and by June 15th I had already seen the Doctor. I was considered high risk due to my health and it even went as far as having surgeons on stand by in case I needed immediate surgery to remove my gall bladder. Never would I have guessed that my pregnancy would have been so uncomplicated and easy, I was prepared for a battle.

Now many of you are going to say I had lost my mind but honestly, the day we brought Addison home from the hospital I was ready to do it all over again with baby number two. My pregnancy was normal, my labor and delivery was normal...knock on wood, so I didn't have any horror stories or memories that would prevent me from being ready again. Daniel at that point was my only obstacle. He and his younger brother are 10 1/2 months apart and he was adamant that we would not be repeating that so we discussed when it would be right to start trying again. We tossed out a few numbers and had pretty much decided between six and twelve months. We knew we wanted the kids to be close together but spaced far enough that life would be half way civilized for us. Of course when you want to wait a few months before you start trying for another one you actually have to do something to prevent it from happening sooner. We did not do that and it's not my fault. Because of my Crohns disease I cannot take birth control. I found that out the hard way let me tell you! I did have the option of having shots or something implanted but after years of infertility taking something to prevent children is a very scary thought and it's one I shot down very quickly. Now this of course meant that somebody else was responsible for preventing a child and as most typical men are, he was not thrilled with the thought. Then you add in the detail of Daniel being just as obsessed with Addison as I am and you have a problem. If I told him once I told him a million times that if I got pregnant again so soon it was his fault and if he ever uttered the words that we was upset or that he wished we would have waited I would have killed him. That threat obviously didn't bother him and then finally when I asked him if he was OK with it he actually said to me that he was having so much fun with Addison that he didn't care if it happened so soon.

Well it happened and it happened very soon, sooner than I anticipated actually. Who would have thought that after years of trying for Addison that baby two would happen without really trying and three months after having Addison. I think that was a big part of our desire to go ahead and try again. The fear was still in the back of my mind that if we didn't take advantage of my "after pregnancy" fertility that we would risk it taking years again for another one and it scared me. We found out we were pregnant on June 16th 2010 and if my calculations or correct we are due on February 20th 2011. It's almost as if I am repeating last year day for day. I would just like to add, we will not be repeating this next year...just an FYI!

So far I haven't been as sick as I was with Addison and in all honesty...I still don't think it has officially sunk in that I am pregnant. I keep looking at the pregnancy test thinking that one of these times I will look and one of the pink lines will be missing and then won't I be the fool for announcing it to the world. We tried really, really hard to wait for the big announcement this time but yet again we just couldn't do it.

I am well aware of the fact that we are still in the beginning stages and we are not out of the clear yet so anything could happen but our being parents yet again is a big deal for us and one that we want to announce from the roof tops. I pray I won't have to make a sad announcement but I will if I have to and it will be a little easier than the announcement I read over the weekend. Baby Cohen, who I mentioned in an earlier post that was born with a broken heart, lost his fight late last week. Losing a child, even if it is still growing within you, is a terrible thing to experience. It is one that I hope I will never have to live through. I cannot fathom what this young couple is going through. Faced with their own infertility issues they managed to overcome it only to be told that their unborn child was sick and would need surgery immediately after birth. He died with them only having held him for a few short minutes right after his birth. In the few days he spent here on Earth he endured surgery after surgery. It makes me angry and sad that they couldn't experience what Daniel and I experienced and that Cohen couldn't be healthy and perfect like our Addison is.

Please keep this family in your thoughts and prayers that they may find the peace and the comfort that will allow them to continue on.

Love your children today as if it were your last. Hold them in your arms and take in their sweet scents. Count their fingers and their toes and apply soft kisses to their chubby little cheeks. Savor their cries and their temperamental outbursts and comfort them in your lap. Allow their sweet smiles and soft giggles to melt your heart. Enjoy being just as wet as they are after bath time and appreciate diaper changes, spit ups, and food thrown all over your kitchen floor. It's those moments that you take for granted and those moment that Cohen parents would give anything to experience.

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