Laura Ingalls Wilder at your service!

Farmer Dan in action!

The nice thing about our new house is that we have a lot of space in our side yard. We pretty much have no backyard, but the side yard is huge! We bought our first home in late 2006 and even though we had a decent sized backyard, it wasn't garden friendly. We had a small space by our shed that we always planted a few tomato plants, and a few pepper plants. I grew herbs in pots on the front porch and we had failed attempts and cantaloupe and pumpkins, mainly due to the lack of space.

This year we finally have the space to plant the garden that we've always dreamed of planting. It's huge and I must admit, we may not fill the entire thing with veggies or fruit because it's so big. Daniel borrowed a tiller from a friend at work and it took him just about one whole day to till up the space and get it ready for plants and seeds. We have bought a few thing so far, three tomato plants, sweet corn seeds that have taken up three rows so far, two different types of peppers that only Daniel will be eating, broccoli and cauliflower, two strawberry plants, and we have a blueberry and raspberry bush that are planted in big planters.

To say I am excited would be a dramatic understatement. I have high hopes for all the produce that should come forth from our garden and it couldn't come at a better time. I am no longer getting unemployment therefore I have no income coming in. Money is once again tight for us and our grocery bill continues to be outrageous. I love to cook meals each night, but have you checked out the price for fresh fruit and veggies? A few weeks ago I spent almost $8 on apples. I think I bought 5 or 6 of them and it cost me $8. I about had a heart attack at the price, but I insist on giving the girls fresh fruit every other day. On our off days they get canned fruit. Vegetables can be just as bad so I've been reduced to buying canned and frozen vegetables for the most part. Which honestly is probably just as good for them since they aren't big on eating veggies in their natural state.

Cadence helping plant the sweet corn!

Our goal for this garden is to grow enough produce that I can can and freeze enough to last us through until next spring or so. I really hope I'm not expecting more out of this garden than what it can handle, but something is better than nothing and right now...every little bit will help.

Secretly, I feel like Laura Ingalls Wilder when we're out there tending to it. I adore her books and I honestly think they are my all time favorite books to read. I couldn't tell you how many times I have read them. I spent over a $100 one year buying all of her books so that I would always have them on hand. I have had a real urge these past few days to re-read them but sadly they are sitting in our storage unit in Bellbrook. I asked Daniel the other day while he was creating the mounds in the garden if he could image how hard it was to grow gardens and crops back during her days? Back before they had tillers and fancy fertilizers and weed killers. What is even more amazing is how dependent they were on growing successful gardens. We aren't entirely dependent on this garden, but I remember one instance in her books when they had a hail storm that damaged not only their crops but their garden as well. I don't think I'm creative enough to make a pie out of green pumpkins like Mrs. Ingalls was. How disappointing it will be if we have the same experience, but it won't mean that we will run out of food during the winter like it would have meant for them.

A few of the veggies we've planted so far.

 I can't wait until it's fully planted and we start seeing the little buds turn into an actual fruit or vegetable. Most importantly...I am impatiently waiting for the tomatoes to start coming and to get my basil going!

Spring Fever

Prior to my surgery there is absolutely no way that I would have ever been able to take the girls outside by myself. You know in case I had to make a mad dash for the bathroom. Addison usually always puts up a fight when being forced to come in, I can handle carrying her in kicking and screaming but multiple that by two and there was no way I would have made it to the bathroom in time...lol. Even in the evenings if Daniel was outside to help with the girls, I often stayed inside because I was just so tired. Oh the joys of having Crohns disease.

Wednesday night instead of cleaning the kitchen after a dinner of taco salad, I went outside to watch the girls play while Daniel weeded and spruced up the flower beds. I'm still having trouble bending over so I supervised and made sure the weeds he was pulling weren't in fact flowers...haha. 

Outside playing Wednesday night. My little tree huggers!

Making herself comfy in the flower bed. Silly girl!

Sliding down like a big girl.

Anyway, now that I don't really have to worry about rushing to the bathroom I decided to take them out yesterday afternoon to play and get some vitamin D...all by myself I might add.

The weather was wonderful. Warm enough that we didn't need jackets, chilly enough that a light shirt and light pair of pants were needed, all with a lovely breeze in the air. It was perfect let's go outside and play weather.

Getty up horsey.

"So, where we headed Sissy?"

Doing her Great Poppy Tibbs walk. This is how Daniels grandfather used to walk. Both Cadence and Addie walk like this on occassion. The family gets a kick out of it.

Blowing bubbles.

I can't wait until this summer when we can get a pool up. Maybe for once in my life I'll have some sort of tan instead of this pasty white I've been sporting.

My confessions...

Megan over at Tales of the Trees did a post today on some of her confessions. I thought to myself, what a wonderful opportunity to share with the world some of my flaws as a wife, mother, whatever and to possibly give you a good chuckle!

1.) I hate folding laundry. HATE IT. Which is why we currently have baskets full of clean clothes waiting to be folded in the laundry room. I don't know where I get this from, my parents all folded our clothes right out of the dryer.

2.) I hate cleaning the kitchen right after I've made a big meal. I've gotten much better about this but last night I played outside with the girls and watched Daniel pull weeds out of our flower bed instead of cleaning the kitchen. So on days that the kitchen doesn't get cleaned after dinner, it gets cleaned when the girls go down for a nap the following day...only for it to be messed up in a few hours during dinner prep. It's a vicious cycle...kind of like laundry.

3.) I love children. I have always been drawn to babies. I now have two beautiful little girls of my own and I love them so much it's crazy sometimes. I have noticed though, since having my own, I really don't like other children. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my niece Ireland, and my nephew Dylan, and pretty much all of the kids in our families. But strange kids that don't belong to our families or close friends...chances are I'm not going to like them much! I would like to rephrase that last sentence, to not being able to tolerate them, not like them. And don't get me wrong, I would still play with them and talk to them and help them out if they needed help...but secretly I'm saying to myself "I'm glad you're not mine" HAHA. I feel like this statement has just earned myself a one way ticket to Hell.

4.) Since my surgery on April 18th, I have spent about 96% of my time in a t-shirt and scrub pants. Scrub pants that I may or may not have taken from the hospital. I think I have about four pairs of them. Normally I would feel guilty about taking them, but I can only imagine what that hospital bill is going to look like so I figure they can get over me taking a couple pairs of their pants. Seriously though, my stomach is still swollen and my ostomy areas are still tender. Not only are they tender but my one ostomy bag is right where the top of my pants would go. Needless to say when I do put on regular pants, they don't get zipped or buttoned because of this issue. I'm going to be wearing lots of dresses this summer.

5.) Speaking of bags, I hate mine. I know I'm only four weeks into this year long process but I hate them and am ready to be done with them. I'm still waiting for that moment when I don't mind them and am actually glad I have them.

6.) I can't bake. I tried making a homemade chocolate cake Tuesday, it was a major fail. Probably because instead of only putting in one and a half teaspoons of baking powder, I put in a tablespoon and a half. Typically this would be because of my impatience, but since my surgery my eyesight has gone down the toilet. Guess who will be getting glasses sometime in the near future??

7.) Since losing all of this weight, I feel the need to go out and buy all kinds of new clothes. It's a good thing we can't afford it right now. I'm supposed to be losing even more weight so it's best that I not buy to much right now anyway.

8.) Since my surgery my appetite has gone through the roof. Two weeks ago, I ate a whole bag of salted cashews all by myself over the course of two or three days. I also may or may not have added more sea salt to them. Also, pretty much every night since being home, I have eaten several of these bad boys. I'm addicted! Thankfully my appetite is starting to lessen.

9.) I'm a name brand girl. When I go to the grocery I tend to stay away from store brand items. This drives Daniel crazy. Anyway, since we're poor and needed groceries bad this past week and Meijer was having a great sale on a lot of their store brand items. Everything I purchased Tuesday was pretty much Meijer brand. I'm turning over a new leaf people...lol!

10.) I stopped taking my depression medicine a week ago due to a serious allergic reaction I had to it. Seriously you should my face, I'm still recovering from it. Not only can I tell I haven't had any, but so can Daniel. He informed me last night that I have been irritable these past two days. I will be put on another med at my next appointment in two weeks.

11.) Speaking of depression. My psychiatrist said I was so severely depressed, that she thought it would be best if I also started seeing a therapist. I feel like a nut...lol.

12.) I love the smell of lilac. I had a lilac bush at our old house and I miss that bush more than I will ever miss that house...lol. Meijer sells a candle that smells EXACTLY like lilacs and I burned through the thing in about a week. Since then I have had this overwhelming desire to go back and buy every last one they have.

13.) Lastly, we're getting ready to start the big girl bed process with Addison. I already know this is going to be a battle which makes me just want to keep her in a crib. Sending my daughter to college in a crib might be a problem huh??

There's a few of my confession, please tell me that there are others out there that might relate to this craziness? :)

My little ladybugs!

It's been awhile since I've taken good pictures of the girls so I thought we would head out today and snap a few. I wish I could have gotten more of them smiling, but with a one year old and a two year old, you take what you are given.

Is it just me or are these girls just adorable? God has blessed me so much!

Friends

I'm linking up with Kelly's Korner this week so for all of you visiting my little family blog for the very first time, I figured I would give a quick introduction of who I am.

1.) I'm Katie
2.) I'm 28 years old.
3.) I am married to my husband Daniel and we will be celebrating our 5th anniversary this coming Saturday.
4.) In 2005 I was diagnosed with Crohns disease. I have suffered horribly with it since then and recently had my first resection. A foot of my terminal ileum was removed and I was given two, yes two, ostomy bags. Both of which will hopefully be reversed in a year.
5.) After years of infertility, probably due to my Crohns, I gave birth to our first daughter, Addison Grace, in February 2010.
6.) Three months after Addison's birth, I conceived our second daughter, Cadence Leah. Cadence was born in February of 2011. Yes we have a set of Irish twins.
7.) Due to a layoff in 2010, I am now a stay at home Mommy. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. God gave me two daughters back to back like he did for a reason, and my layoff fell right there along with it for a reason. My health has been a major issue and being home has made things somewhat easier.
8.) I love to cook.
9.) I am a very family orientated person. I'm especially close with my Dad and his side of the family, as well as my mother in law Sue.
10.) I have been home bound for the past year or so. I have only left my home once, by myself, with
both girls. My Crohns has given me such anxiety issues that I was afraid to leave home with the girls without having another adult with me in the car. Now that I have had my surgery, I am looking forward to getting out of the house and doing things with the girls that I have wanted to do for the past two years.

This was us at Christmas this past year. I'm a little thinner, but my face is still nice and puffy from steroid use concerning my Crohns...don't judge...lol.

Thanks for stopping by!! 

Hospital stay in pictures...

My lovely IV pole. Blood, TPN, fluids, and anti-biotics.

My PICC line.

Before my surgery. Can you tell I had had a rough few days?

After my surgery resting with some of the best medicine in the world. One of my baby girls!

Second day of up and walking around. The pillow helped to keep pressure on my tummy.

A few of my lovely flowers and cards. I also received a lilac bush and daisy's that will be planted outside. 

I'm feeling pretty decent today. This morning was kind of rough pain wise, but I did manage my first shower by myself. Do you know how hard it is to wash your legs when you can't bend over properly? The bottom half of my legs didn't get scrubbed but one of my new found Crohns friends kindly said that the soap and shampoo that ran down my body cleansed my lower legs so it didn't matter. Awesome point! Speaking of lower legs and not being able to bend over very well, this little lady won't be shaving her legs anytime in the near future...and I'm also going to have to go and get a professional pedicure if I want to show off my toes anytime in the near future. 

I've made a lot of progress as of today. Follow up appointments have been made with both my surgeon and my GI. I have successfully found a psychiatrist and my first meeting is May 7th. The doctor in charge of my care while in the hospital provided me with enough depression and anxiety medication to last thirty days so finding a psychiatrist was vital if I wanted to stay on the right path of obtaining a clear and healthy mentality. I'm excited that I have someone I can talk to and lets be honest, someone who can continue giving me the anxiety medication...it's very much needed. I've also started the social security disability process. I can't believe that at twenty eight years old I'm starting this process but my surgeon told me the day after my surgery, I'm in no condition to work anytime soon and that I needed to look into obtaining it. I hope it goes smoothly and that I don't have to jump through hoops.

Yesterday was my first home visit with my nurse. Let me remind you that I had had no depression or anxiety medication since Monday. Yesterdays experience was traumatic to say the least. She had trouble getting the adhesive off around my ostomy areas, which are still very tender by the way, then she put the bags on incorrectly so we had to do it a second time. Hysterical people...I was once again hysterical. It didn't help that during this process Cadence decided she was going to start choking on a goldfish cracker. I'm laying on the bed unable to assist with anything because if I stood up poop would go everywhere, my cousin Heather who is our godsend right now started to panic as we were trying to determine whether she was fully choking or what, and then next thing I know the nurse is tearing off her rubber gloves and grabbing for the baby. Luckily Cadence got it up on her own, but the fact I didn't have a full on anxiety attack after those few moments of bag changes and choking...amazes me. I couldn't handle anymore so I made Heather take Cadence upstairs and stay until we were done. I couldn't take anymore distractions. I'm telling you now, my poor psychiatrist is going to have her hands full with me...lol. I also think she's going to need to up the dosage of my anxiety medication...haha.

Let's see, I'm still patiently waiting for my nurse to come by today. It's 5:30 and I have not heard from her yet even though the nurse yesterday said someone would be out today. I hate the unknown, part of why I have such severe anxiety. So sitting here knowing that at any moment someone is going to knock on my front door, but I don't know when that moment will be which leaves me unable to prepare for it mentally...makes me mad...and even more anxious. Is anyone tired of hearing about my anxiety issues yet?? Good news, my meds are ready though, so tonight maybe I will be somewhat calmer and less anxious. I'm going to eat those things like candy if I have to. Especially since tomorrow will be my first time changing my bags all.by.myself!! Dear Lord help us all!

Home Sweet Home

My hospital stay has come to an end...thank goodness. This has been one of the most traumatizing week and a half in my entire life to date. As some may already know, I got some really bad CT scan  results on April 9th. I had a consultation on April 13th with my GI to go over the results and come up with a game plan. That was one Friday the 13th that I sure won't be forgetting anytime soon. I expected to hear that it was time for surgery but I was in no way prepared to hear that I was going straight from the doctor to the hospital and that I would probably be having my surgery sometime within the week.

To say I was an emotional wreck by the time we got to the hospital would be the understatement of the year. I was a complete basket case. They had to start me on anxiety medication within a few hours of admitting me, it was that bad. Hysterical people, absolutely hysterical. I don't think Daniel knew what to do with me. I will say though, anxiety medication is some wonderful stuff. When they would give it to me in my IV it worked instantly. Between it and the morphine, life was pretty good. I'll also be the first to say, that if more people in this world would take some anxiety medication, the world would be a much better place!

Because I was once again so dehydrated and just completely malnourished, they couldn't get a good vein to start my IV. They finally got a small vein in my right hand that the IV therapist insisted could only withstand fluids and medication...absolutely no blood draws or anything else because it would blow like all the other veins before it. Little did we know that the surgeon had already ordered a picc line to be put in because he wanted me on TPN immediately. For those of you who don't know about picc lines, they are iv's that they start in my upper arm that are inserted into a larger vein leading straight to your heart. They consider it a surgical procedure and have to numb the area pretty good so that it doesn't hurt. They find the vein using an ultrasound and after they are inserted they do an x-ray to insure proper placement. Lucky for me I got to have the procedure done twice, because their first attempt didn't work. Thankfully they realized it right away so I didn't have two separate procedures. Even with the numbing medication, it was pretty uncomfortable this time. I was so glad when they got it finished.

Even though they were told no blood draws, they still attempted a blood draw out of my left hand. Apparently they needed to get blood from two different locations so they couldn't use just the blood from my picc line. It took them three times to get a vein in my left hand and I was still so dehydrated that my blood was flowing like syrup. In the few hours that it took to get to this point I had only received half a bag of fluids. I kept telling them that if they wanted blood to flow I should have been on my second bad by that point. Of course nurses don't listen to you half the time so I was stuck dealing with the extra pain.

My TPN was started that night and I was not to have anything oral. No oral medication, no food, no water, nothing until after my surgery. They started me on all kinds of medications, I received two blood infusions, and I was hungry. But all was good, I had anxiety and pain medication.

I met with my surgeon on Saturday where I was told that my surgery would take place Wednesday. Those were the longest few days of my life. I've never had surgery of any kind and I was absolutely terrified of what was in store for me but I knew I had no choice and that it was going to happen whether I like it or not. I will say looking back now, that the mental preparation and leading up to the surgery was worse than the surgery itself. Don't get me wrong, this hasn't been a walk in the park, but mentally I was just a mess. Once they came to get me for my surgery things moved quickly. They wheeled me down, allowed me to use the restroom one last time, and within about ten minutes I was laying on the operating table, arms outstretched with a mask being placed on my face. I remember absolutely nothing until the next morning.

The pain the next few days was pretty gruesome. They took out my ng tube the next morning and then took out my catheter on Friday so that I would be allowed up and out of bed. Lord help me, getting in and out of bed was a chore. Pain medication does not make moving around easier let me tell you.

I knew that I was pretty sick, the doctors knew that I was pretty sick, but reality was that I was really, really sick. My GI doctor kept telling Daniel that Friday that I had severe Crohns. I don't thin my surgeon was even prepared for what he found. They cut out a foot of my intestines, and the damage to my colon is so severe that he was forced to give me an ileostomy bag and a mucous fistula bag. I currently have two bags attached to my ride side where my waste and infection from the fistula drain out. I have been told that the damage is so severe that I should be prepared to have them for the next year, at that time we will discuss reversing everything. I'm also still dealing with kidney issues because of all of the damage my Crohns has created so sadly, I'm not out of the woods yet with everything. I will have follow up CT scans in the upcoming weeks to check up on my kidneys in case something needs to be done with them.

They removed my drain from my incision site Monday, and even though they said it wouldn't hurt...it hurt like a mother. My staples are scheduled to be removed this coming Monday and I am dreading it. I honestly asked the surgeon who visited me on Saturday, an associate of my actual surgeon, if they could knock me out for all of this stuff because I just couldn't handle anything mentally or physically anymore. I had had enough with the pain. I assure you, I will be drugging myself prior to this appointment in hopes that it helps.

I'm still very uncomfortable with the thought of having these bags. They've started me on depression meds for everything and I pray that they kick in soon. I've been told it could be few weeks before I notice a difference.

Everyone keeps telling me how great I am doing and how proud they are of me, but I don't feel great and I don't feel proud. I think I'm still in shock over everything and I'll be the first one to tell you I've had my pity party moments. Moments of hysterical crying because I am just overwhelmed with the thought of these damn bags and having to change them and drain them throughout the day. I've read that it will get easier with time and pray that it happens quickly. I will have a home nurse for awhile helping me get used to changing the bags and I will begin seeing a therapist to help with all of the mental challenges that I face. I've been a mess for awhile but this just took me over the top. When the nurse who admitted me Friday asked whether I had suicidal thoughts because of my condition and I replied yes, the room got very quiet. I don't think Daniel was prepared to hear those words come out of my mouth. Thankfully I'm not suicidal in the way of actually taking my life or thinking of ways to do so. I've just wished death upon myself and I guess that's just as bad. I praise God that I have my two daughters because they truly are the reason why I have gotten out of bed every morning for the past year or so. I'm scared to think of what I could have done without having them as my motivation to live.

After a day full of drama at the hospital yesterday I demanded my discharge papers that afternoon. After even more drama I was finally discharged around 8:30 p.m. or so and was home by 9:30. I'm glad to be home and I feel the improvement in my mobility everyday but I'm still so frustrated at the thought of these silly bags that I just cried myself to sleep last night. The bags haven't been changed since Saturday and they skin around the stoma and fistula are irritated and burning. This was part of why I demanded to be released yesterday. My first home visit with the nurse will take place today and my bags will finally be changed...I can't wait for a little bit of relief.

I would like to thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers during this time. It's not only been stressful on me, but Daniel and most of my family as well. My mother-in-law is taking four days a week off of work to care for the girls, and my cousin Heather comes to our house on Wednesdays to help take care of the girls and will take me to appointments when I need to go. I'm unable to lift anything over ten pounds for the next six weeks so I can't care for the girls at all because I can't lift them. I've had a great support system over these past several days and I'm very lucky because of it. Even though I am going through this very weird stage in life, I am very blessed. I am blessed to be pretty healthy compared to some, and I am very blessed that I have such wonderful friends and family. I love you all.