My just in case something drastic happens post...

It's 10:32 on a Sunday night. In three days I will be undergoing my first ever surgery. God forbid it be a simple one, it's a big deal. One that they weren't willing to undertake here at Miami Valley at first. I have had two individuals that work here at the hospital now comment about how they recognized my name from seeing and hearing about me so often here at the hospital, but they've never had the face to go along with it. I don't know how I feel about that.

It's hard going through this surgery having a one and a two year old at home. While I am confident in the medical team that will be taking care of me, I'm still intelligent enough to know that anything can happen. I thought writing a little something to both of my girls might help release some of the emotion that I have building up inside of me right now.

So here we go...

Addison~ I don't even know where to begin with you. You were my precious, quiet, snuggle baby when you were born. Never in a million years could I have anticipated the vibrant, strong willed, stubborn, kind, funny, loving, little girl that you have turned into. It's amazing how I can go from being angry with you one second, to being smitten with you in another. I love you Addie. More than words will ever be able to express to you. You are the reason I am a Mother. As one of the nurses pointed out last night, my pregnancy with you is what more than likely allowed me to get pregnant with your sister so easily. I'm a mommy because of you little one, and I am so grateful to you for that. My heart aches for you when you aren't in my presence. At nights I just want to grab you from your bed and put you in bed with me so that I can snuggle you close. I love your smell, and the feel of your skin against mine.

You are such a kind and giving little girl. I see a future of helping others for you. I think you would make a perfect nurse or doctor. Whenever I have felt ill this past week or so you will come up to me and gently rub my cheek with your hand, or you will gently scratch your nails up and down my forearm. Your head will be tilted ever so slightly and with such concern in your eyes you will ask "mommy all ight, mommy tummy, mommy owie booboo?" I love that you care so much for others already and you are only two years old.

I love when you want nothing to do but to snuggle up on the couch with me so that you can get underneath the blanket while we "beed" a book. "Mommy beed it?" Yes Addie...Mommy will always beed it to you.

I love you Addison Grace, I love you in a way that only a good mother would know. I truly would do anything for you. I would die for you and because of my love for you, I am choosing to live for you by having this nasty resection. I can't wait for the times that we will have once I am back up on my feet.

Love,
Mommy

Cadence~ Oh child, goodness, goodness, goodness. I remember clearly when we brought you home, within days we were ready to take you back. Never have I heard a little baby cry so much for no reason at all. Here we are twelve months later and you are a completely different child. You are our calm daughter. You take everything with a grain of salt but you most definitely know how to plays us. You're the daughter that is going to keep up constantly guessing. With Addison we know she's trouble, she isn't shy about doing things she shouldn't be doing. You on the other hand are sneaky. Right when we have you figured out you go and throw us for a loop. You're goofy little grin and your little squeals of delight are the most unbelievable thing ever. They bring such joy to my heart. You are content being my little snuggle buddy. You could sit in my lap all day long if you could. You love it when I gently squeeze you, nuzzle your head, and hold you close to my chest. You love being loved and you love giving love in return.

You are enjoying eating right now. Half the time when you see that I have started making your plate of food, you've already started climbing into your highchair. You don't even have to be asked. Most of the time you've cleared your plate and then have started on your sisters. I think of you as our little chipmunk, but much cuter. You love to dance and whenever you hear any music come on the tv you stand up and start bouncing up and down. It's absolutely precious to watch. You have brought such joy into our lives and everyday I reminded why God brought you into our lives so quickly after we had Addison. Never once were you thought of as an accident. Trust me when I say you could have been prevented, we just chose not to. Now did we think you would be conceived three months after your sisters births? No! But boy am I glad you were. I pray that you and your sister will always be the best of friends.

Like I told your sister, you are the reason why I am doing this surgery. It's because of my two beautiful daughters that I continued to get out of bed everyday even when I didn't have the strength to do so. I always somehow managed to find it because I knew that you two babies needed me. At times I felt burdened by it, but in reality, it was my pleasure providing for the two of you. You both gave me strength I never knew I had. I owe everything to you and your sister.

Love always,
Momma

Easter 2012

Well, seeing as I am currently laid up in a hospital bed I figured nows the time to get caught up with the blog. I was taken straight to the hospital Friday after my doctors appointment. I'm currently receiving lots of antibiotics, more blood that doesn't belong to me, TPN, and lots of fluids. My resection surgery is scheduled for sometime this Wednesday. I will be in the hospital another seven to ten days afterwards, possibly longer depending on how long my recovery takes.

Our weekend started on Friday night when we allowed the girls to color Easter eggs. They both really enjoyed it and after a few mishaps I finally had to say out loud to both Daniel and myself...this is about the girls not us, let them do whatever they want. By golly they did and they enjoyed dropping their eggs into all different colors. Addison was killing us though. She would drop some of the vinegar on her leg and she would lick it off and then finally she would stick her whole hand in the cup and then lick her hand. She makes us scratch our heads sometimes...silly kid.

Anyway, Easter this year was awesome. I felt really good and got to really enjoy my children and our family. Poor Daniel ended up with food poisoning but I felt good so what can you do...lol. We spent Saturday with Daniel's Mom, brother Dustin, aunt Nanny, and Uncle Cecil.

They cooked out hamburgers, hot dogs, fruit salad, potato salad, macaroni salad, deviled eggs, cucumber and tomato salad, coleslaw, baked beans, and lord knows what else...we had a feast. The Easter bunny dropped off lots of goodies for us at Mamaw's house...what can I say? We're loved! I got some Bath and Body Works Country Chic fragrance...it smells so good.

We spent Easter Sunday at our house and had my Dad and the rest of the family over since they hadn't seen our new house yet. After the Easter bunny made a pit stop for the girls we got to cooking. Daniel smoked a pork butt so we had pulled pork sandwiches, I made homemade au gratin potatoes, orange jello with oranges and bananas, and a white cake with cherry vanilla icing. My aunt Robin made mac and cheese while my Dad and Donna made green bean casserole and deviled eggs. We ate really good!

After our feast we did an Easter egg hunt for the kids.

Addison had a ball and I'm so glad that I felt well enough this year that I could take lots of pictures of the occasion. Even Cadence got into the egg hunt. Having young children really makes you appreciate the holidays more. What is so funny is that prior to the hunt we were talking about ice-cream trucks. Wouldn't you know, just about the time we had finished up one drove by. Our house is out in the middle of no where so it was really shocking. I was so excited that the girls were going to get their first experience with the ice-cream truck and there I was with my camera to capture it all.

Addison got a bubblegum flavored popsicle while Cadence got a sno cone.

They were so cute sitting back and eating the ice-cream. Poor Daniel missed all of this because he was upstairs sick. I had a ball though and I'm pretty sure that they did as well.

I hope your family had a wonderful Easter weekend. I know I enjoyed just about every moment of mine. I posted on facebook that night how wonderful it had been. Sadly I didn't know what was in store for me the following day with a single phone call from my doctor. Oh well...I'm in the hospital to get better and while I am absolutely terrified of the surgery I pray that it gives me the strength and health that I have been without for a very long time. I can't wait to be able to get out and about by myself if I want, with both girls. This good end up being a really awesome summer!

Ireland Rose

I think I mentioned in an earlier post that my sister Nikki was expecting her second baby. For nine months they refused to tell us the sex of the baby. I said from day one it was a little girl and from day one I was told that I would just have to wait and see. Well wouldn't you know, March 1st rolled around and Ireland Rose made her appearance. Score one for aunt Katie!! I was unable to attend her birth which really upset me, but they live a few hours away and we only have one vehicle. Of course Daniel needed it to get back and forth from work so my hands were tied. They finally came home about two weeks after her birth and I got to squeeze and love the crap out of the child. She is so cute and looks just like her older brother. Pictured below is all four of the grand kids on our dad's side of the family. Dylan is the oldest by four months, followed by Addie, Cadence and then little Ireland. Aren't they adorable? We are so blessed!

The Ladies Birthday Week

Talk about taking a little blog break. Even for me this was a long one. We've had a busy couple of months and I'm afraid that after receiving some pretty bad health news on my part, they are about to get even busier.

I know it's now April but I figured I would share a little about the girls birthdays. Cadence turned one on Valentines day and Addison turned two that Friday. I decided to celebrate their birthdays together to help save money and to prevent our family from having to attend two different events. Of course for our family that means several different functions, but boy did we have a blast. We as in our little family of four and a few others, celebrated each girl on their actual birthday. We started off with Cadence at home. I made her spaghetti, corn, and we had cake. The girl loved her cake. It was hilarious how into her cake she got. Absolutely precious!

That Friday for Addison we decided to take the girls to Chuck E Cheese for the very first time. My step-mom Rhonda, mother-in-law Sue, and Daniel's aunt and uncle and their great-granddaughter helped us celebrate. The girls had a blast and were all over the place. They especially loved the carousel. I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy myself either. I was golden up until the last half hour or so when the Crohns pain started in. We got Addison lots of craft items for her birthday. Lots of stickers, paper, her very first pair of scissors, and an outfit to match the one we bought her sister. Cadence received a few new outfits as well as her very first piggy bank. We went overboard for Christmas with them so we've tried to scale back some with gifts on other holidays or birthdays.

That Saturday I threw the big party while we were still living at my Mom's. Our theme was a circus theme and everything was so cute. I think everyone truly enjoyed themselves and it was nice having so many people to help celebrate our little girls. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. My daughters are very loved and for that I am very grateful. I don't think you can really see in the pictures but I had shirts made for both girls. I also had a hair bow made for each of them but Cadence's never made it on, and Addie's didn't stay on for long. Their shirts had one big balloon on the front with their age embroidered on it. Underneath the balloon was their name. They were so cute.

I tried to keep the menu simple and cheap and also circus themed so we stuck with hotdogs, chips, potato salad, and baked beans. Daniel even popped a trash bag full of fresh popcorn for the occasion. I think the popcorn was a huge hit. I bought paper popcorn sacks like what you would get at the circus so we used those and I also used them for the favor bags that we passed out to all of the kids. I filled them full of candy and circus tattoos. The kids all really loved the tattoos. Instead of buying a cake and cupcakes, I decided to make cupcakes. I used a box mix for the actual cupcakes and got a recipe for cream cheese frosting online. The cupcake was awesome, the frosting...not so much. I used blue and red food coloring for the icing and they were really pretty, but the icing was horrible folks. Most everyone scraped it off. I waited until right before the party started to ice the cupcakes so they would be fresh so even though I knew it was horrible...I didn't have time to run out and buy frosting nor did I have the materials to start over. Oh well.

They got lots of lovely presents. Cadence got her build-a-bear from her Mamaw Blankenship and Addie got her first fishing pole. They also received books, a kite, lots of clothes, and few other things.

Having divorced parents who can't be in the same room with one another also means that you have to throw separate parties. The following weekend we had a party at my step-dad and his girlfriends Kathy's. We used the same theme and also included my sister Megan's, uncle Andy's, and grandpa Power's birthdays into our little shindig. Kathy cooked most all of the food and she also ordered all of the cakes. Is the girls cake not the most adorable thing you have ever seen? The menu at this party was lunch meat sandwiches, baked beans, meatballs, salad, fruit, the family mac and cheese, and lots of little appetizers. It was a really good party and I always enjoy spending time with that side of my family. Once again my health issues kicked in towards the end but I managed. We had spent the night with them the night before since the party started at noon and neither of the girls slept. I think my lack of sleep played a big part in my Crohns acting up.

Anyway, that was their birthday week in a nutshell and I think it was big success. Now to determine what next years theme will be??

Apparently I've fallen off of the face of the earth. It's been a busy two months for our little family. We have had a few bumps in the road and the hits just keep coming. I'm not going to go into detail but we're finally about to get a new home. We are so excited to be back under our own roof again that we can't see straight. The best part is we will be much closer to family. Keep your fingers crossed that we get the house!!

Let's see what else have we been up to:

1.) I'm still sick. I see improvement a little each day but I still have a ways to go. I still think a surgery is in my very near future, but we always knew that was a possibility. The goal has always been to get me healthy enough to undergo the surgery. I think we're finally on the right track.

2.) We celebrated the girls first and second birthday's. Our circus theme bash was a success, as was our small family party with my step-dad's side of the family. I love that my girls are so adored by our family and friends. I will post pictures at a later date.

3.) We lost our oldest Great Dane yesterday. Wagner is what started our Great Dane fetish and his passing is a tragedy for us. I know, so dramatic, but honestly, this dog meant a lot to us. Daniel is distraught with his grief and I can only hope that one day he will be ok. We will never own another dog like Wagner, he truly was one of a kind. Rest in peace buddy.

4.) We moved out of my Mom's place this past Sunday. It was time and we are currently living in two different locations. Daniel is with his Mom and Brother and I am with the girls with my Uncle Dan and Aunt Robin. You don't realize how much you love someone until you are parted. These past few days have reminded me how lucky I am to have my husband. While our marriage is far from perfect and while we both have our faults and could do better jobs at being husband and wife, my love for him is unending. I don't think he knows how much I appreciate him and all that he does for our family.

5.) Daniel got a promotion at work. He will now be a field technician for his company which means that there will be times we won't be seeing him during the week. I think his first trip involves being on a cruise in Florida. Lucky duck. I know he will be working, but it will still sort of be like a vacation. I don't know how I am going to take care of a one year old and two year old plus three dogs all by myself. Please say a quick prayer for me...lol.

6.) Addison is so close to being ready to start potty training. Today while I was fixing our lunch she came up missing. When I went to track her down I discovered her in the bathroom, diaper laying on the counter, while she was attempting to sit on the toilet. Nothing happened but I call that progress.

7.) Lastly, Cadence still isn't walking. Mommy is getting tired of lugging her around and I'll leave that at that.

Hopefully I will be able to post some pictures soon as well as a big birthday post. I hope everyone is well. We are enjoying sixty degree weather today and loving it. Come on spring!!!

What makes the world go round?

I think a big part of why I don't blog as often as I would like is because I feel like a blog post isn't complete without pictures. Unfortunately with a very active almost two and one year old, I don't take as many pictures on a day to day basis as I used to therefore I don't have a lot to share. I decided tonight before sitting down to write this post that I don't necessarily have to post lots of pictures, what is important is that I'm blogging our life for us to remember one day. I have lots of different things on my mind tonight, some dealing with the girls, me and my health, and various other topics so please bear with me if this post gets all over the place.

First up, the girls birthday party. I'm excited to say that I ordered and have received the proofs for both of their invites. Yay me!! I will be getting them printed off and hopefully mailed tomorrow. Which means this shindig will be official. I tossed back the idea of only having one invite made for the both of them, after all I'm only throwing one party for the both of them, but the cool Mom in me won out and decided that it was only fair to give them each their own invite. Especially since Addison had her very own first birthday invite and because I swore to myself before Cadence was even born that I would always do my best to individualize their birthdays no matter how convenient it would be to roll them into one. I'm already rolling their party into one so I wanted to at least do this one thing separately. Since ordering their invites, thank you etsy, I have also paid a visit to orientaltrading.com. Man I love that site, I ordered all of the dinner and dessert plates for their party along with a few decorations and some party favors. I received the e-mail today that my order is being shipped out. I know I have already said this, but I am so excited for this party. I've scaled back on my plans some as common sense told me I didn't need to spend money on items that we would only use once, or could make on our own. Scaled back plans also mean that instead of ordering a big fancy cake like I had originally dreamed of, Momma is going to be making cupcakes for the guests and ordering a small smash cake for Cadence. Watch for me on an upcoming episode of Cupcake Wars, this could be monumental folks...lol. Seriously though, I think the hardest part of this task is going to be getting the right colors when it comes to the icing, wish me luck.

Speaking of the big birthday party, I am starting to have a really hard time with the fact my babies aren't babies anymore. I just went through the pictures on my phone tonight and I just can't believe how much both girls have grown and changed in a year, especially Addison. A year ago she was still this little baby with chubby cheeks and chubby thighs. Now, well, she's a little girl. Her hair is long, her face and thighs have thinned out, and she can sass back like no other. The terrible two's are in full swing now and Lord help us, the child is a handful. We have days where she's an absolute joy to be around, listens to everything that we ask of her, loving and affectionate, just perfect. And then we have days where I do a lot of praying. A lot of praying for her safety because as much as I love that child, all I want to do is hog tie her to a chair with duct tape over her mouth. Does this make me a bad parent? It's not like I would ever actually do it, but boy do I have moments of wishing she came with a pause AND a mute button. Its these moments where I wish children came with manuals. Manuals that explained how to correctly punish your children and how to prevent such behavior. When she doesn't get her way she can throw a temper tantrum that makes you want to leave the house. Do you sit them in time out or do you put them in their crib until they have calmed down? Or better yet, do you just let them have the tantrum all while you go about your business as if nothing is wrong? I find myself just giving in to her at times because what I would like to say no to just isn't worth the experience of another tantrum. Today at the grocery I bought her a few snack items. I'm not sure what they are called but they come in a little package that she can suck the various flavored fruits out of. Immediately after seeing one she wanted to open it up and go to town. Now my better judgement was saying no, she didn't need it and to throw it in the cart. But then my common sense kicked in and said is it worth the complete meltdown in the middle of the store that I was about to experience had I have not given it to her, worth it? I'm not sure if I did the right thing by giving it to her, but it sure did save me the pain and embarrassment of one of her temper tantrums. Man, this parenting stuff sure can be hard at times and I do wonder if I'm going to make it out alive. I'm especially scared now because we've started to notice that even at eleven months old, Cadence is starting to throw what I will refer to as mini temper tantrums. She will lay flat on the ground, legs out, arms out...pretty much straight as a board, and begin to whine and lay her head down on the floor as if she was just plum tuckered out. It's funny now, but I imagine it may only get worse. All of this being said, my next topic of discussion will be found to be quite humorous...

I'm seriously going through baby withdraw. Go ahead laugh, I know you want to. The girls have us so busy right now I couldn't even imagine what adding a third would be like. I take that back, yes I can, it would be absolutely chaotic and I know full and well that having a third child right now would be the third biggest mistake that we have made in our marriage. Remember the house and the Chrysler were our first and second...lol. A few months ago if you would have asked me if we had plans for any future children I may have very well told you no, never! I know that's what Daniel's response would have been and if the decision was solely up to him that's what it would be even today. If it were up to him he would have already been snipped by now, if you know what I mean. He is quite content with our two little girls. Mommy on the other hand is not content. Most won't understand my way of thinking on this matter but I don't feel complete. My heart tells me that our little family isn't done growing yet and it also tells me that a third child for us means a son. Thankfully my husband loves our daughters so much that he has slowly come to terms with the fact he has to help me produce one more child...lol. Rest assured though, it won't be for a few more years. My body took a beating with two back to back pregnancies. Most women probably would have bounced back right away, but with my disease that wasn't the case and I have paid dearly for it. I honestly didn't realize how worn out my body was because of my pregnancies and the Crohns disease until they were pumping my body full of someone else's blood during my first hospital visit this past summer. Now I have come to terms with the fact I need to wait for a few years not only for my health, but for my sanity as well. I would like some time off from diapers and not sleeping through the night before I do it again. But I will say one thing, if one more person I know posts on facebook that they are pregnant and if I don't stop looking at pictures of the girls from when they were fresh out of my body babies, well lets just say my common sense may be thrown out the window.

Common sense. What a subject. I like to think that I have pretty good common sense, in fact I know that I have pretty good common sense. Sometimes I just don't listen to it. Example being...the Chrysler...I knew we shouldn't have bought it but I hated telling Daniel no so I went through with it. Don't you just hate that. Walking that fine line of decision making for the right reasons or the easy ones. I have lost a ridiculous amount of sleep over decisions that were either made and later regretted, or over decisions that need to be made. This in return causes me great deals of anxiety. One of the horrible side effects of my disease is that depression and anxiety is pretty 100% a given. Even without this wonderful disease I'm an anxious person by nature. I've mentioned it before, but I can take the smallest, most frivolous issue, and turn it into my worst nightmare. Issues that most people would just shrug off can make me sick for weeks. I can remember events growing up, things that I may have said or done that I have regretted, and at 28 years old still make me want to throw up or berate myself. It's absolutely ridiculous and I'm in the process of finding a good therapist because my Crohns doctor agrees its time for me to be medicated. I pray that I find one quickly because my anxiety level regarding my disease is at an all time high. I'm not sure if I have mentioned it or not but my new treatment for my Crohns disease, you know the one prepping me for surgery, involves needles. I have to give myself an injection every two weeks. The initial dosage requires four injections, two on day one, followed by two more the next day. I received my first set of injections on Christmas Eve. It took me almost a week to gather enough courage to give myself the first two injections and they were failures. I managed to inject the shots but the click of the epi pin was so loud that it scared the crap out of me and I ended up pulling the needle out, both times I might add, before any of the medicine was injected. I felt like such a failure and now I have allowed myself to get so worked up about it that here we are how many weeks later and I still haven't done any of my other injections. In fact it took me until today to re-order the two pens I wasted. I can't tell you how many times I have taken the pens out of the refrigerator to inject them and then just couldn't go through with it. I have even tried allowing my Mom to give them to me. When I allowed my Mom to do it I broke down into hysterical sobs and wouldn't let her come near me with them. Honestly, this is just not acceptable. I'm on vicodin for the pain that I am dealing with right now so one would would think that I would be able to handle the injections. I talked to my nurse a week ago about my issues and she said that this is pretty common. She is going through infertility treatments and has to give herself shots daily. She said the first time she tried to do her shots she cried like a baby and had to have her husband administer them. It made me feel better that even a nurse, who gives shots daily, was unable to give herself one. I pray that I am able to start doing these injections soon because I am sick to death of being sick. Hopefully a little medication for anxiety will help speed this process along. I am doing much better compared to how I was just a few months ago, but I still need to go further. I am still physically and mentally exhausted and it's not just acceptable anymore.

Are you bored to tears yet? It felt good to get some of my random thoughts that have been floating around in my brain out. Hopefully you don't think I'm crazy, even though I think I am just a little bit...lol. I promise my next post will come with a few pictures, its only fair after having made you just read all of the randomness above. I also have an exciting giveaway for you to participate in. I'm still working on the details for the actual post but if you would like to check them out beforehand its for a digital scrap booking download from mymemories.com. I love the idea of scrap booking but in reality I lack the motivation and skill required to actually do it. What's great about mymemories is that they pretty much do all the hard work for you, you just download and add your pictures. Stay tuned for the actual giveaway, my goal is to have it up by Friday.

Don't sweat the small stuff!

I walked into 2012 thinking that it would be our year. I haven't been shy in letting everyone know our financial issues that started back in 2010 and continued through 2011. We gave up our house, or let me rephrase that, are still trying to give up the house. It's still legally ours however it shouldn't be much longer...fingers crossed. We gave up our last vehicle over the summer and yes I shed tears like a two year old when I handed over the keys to it. The Equinox was my first baby. The first major purchase that I had ever made without the help of my parents, it was the vehicle that drove us home from our wedding, and the vehicle that drove us to and from the hospital after being blessed with our two little girls. It stung saying good-bye but we made the adult decision that it was time and looking back I don't regret it especially since we made money off of it. Since saying good-bye to the Equinox, we had been driving and taking care of my Mom's truck. It's not just any truck. It's a man's truck, the truck that Daniel has drooled over for more years than I care to remember. It's an F-350 with the crew cab and extended bed. It's huge and I hate it. Yes the four of us fit perfectly inside and yes, it was free for us to use, but here are the things I hated about it. Point a, it only really fit the four of us. Since losing my father in law back in May we have tried really hard to remain a large part of my mother in laws life. We inlcude her in most all of our weekend plans and she is always ready and waiting to attend. I hated the fact that most times she would have to drive separate in order to play with us and on the few occassions she did drive with us she and the girls would be stuck in the back of the truck squished together like a bunch of sardines. Point b, have you ever tried doing a full blown grocery trip having a truck without a cap on the back therefore leaving you to put yourself, your husband, children, and groceries all in the actual seating portion of the vehicle? Doesn't work very well! Lastly, the thing I hated most about it, it wasn't ours. Don't get me wrong, I am 100% appreciative to my Mother for letting us use it. We're still using it and it is beneficial to her in the fact that its not sitting in the driveway rusting away like it had been. It's actually being used and taken care of now which from what I'm told, is good when it comes to trucks.

Now I bet you're wondering why I'm sharing all of this with you aren't you? Well it's late here and I don't want to keep you guessing or in suspense. I'm sharing this with you because as much as Daniel loves the truck, my hatred for it and his desire to finally have something back in our names won out. We are now the proud owners of a 2003 Yukon XL Denali. People, this thing is so large we can have three more children which means that there is plenty of room for my mother in law and all of our groceries.

What is funny is that this thing is a 2003 which means one thing...it's used. Shortly after I bought our Equinox brand new, we went out and bought a used Chrysler 300m. It was the second biggest mistake we have made in our marriage, our first was buying the shit piece of a house that we did. Within the first month of owning the car the transmission started to go, it continued to give us problems until the day we said good-bye to it. I swore up and down that we would never, ever, ever, buy a used vehicle again. EVER!!!

But lookey what we went and did, we bought another used vehicle. I'm one of those freaks of nature that like things to be in pristine condition. I don't like dents and scratches or things that don't match, please tell me I am not the only one. As you can imagine buying a vehicle that was brand new back in 2003, this baby has a scratch or two, has a little dent in the back, and the interior has a few cosmetic pimples. Issues that our once brand new Equinox was starting to develop...it happens when you drive a vehicle daily for years. As much as I cringe whenever I notice a new bump or bruise on the Yukon that I hadn't noticed prior, we've only owned it for a week so I'm still in the getting to know you phase, I have to keep remiding myself it's no big deal. What's important is that it runs and it's ours and to be honest, it really is in pretty good shape and man is it pretty. Daniel said he feels like he's running some secret service detail in it, it's black by the way, when hes out driving in it. His aunt said it looked like we were part of Dog the Bounty Hunters crew. I personally just feel like a spoiled soccer Mom in it...lol.

I've learned a lot this past week. We had what we thought was a major issue with our house, major issue as in neither Daniel or I slept Sunday night because of it. Come to find out after remaining calm and collective it was something that was easily rectified first thing Monday morning and now I just feel like a horses butt. But between the house drama, and it was drama let me tell you, and all of the little scratches and stuff I keep finding on the new ride I've realized something. I really need to stop sweating over such small and ridiculous issues that I have no control over. The stress that I cause myself because I make such a big deal over stupid stuff is getting out of control. I made myself sick with worry Sunday night only to have it work out perfectly the next morning and I still cringe every time I discover a new cosmetic issue with the Yukon. These things are out of my control so why do I allow myself to get so worked up? It isn't worth it. I have a roof over my head, a vehicle to drive, two beautiful and healthy daughters, and a loving and hardworking husband. I'm also able to put food on the table for my family every single day and health wise things are starting to improve, I have a lot more going on for me than what a lot of people do right now and for that I am thankful. So I'm adding to my New Years resolutions...Katie, don't sweat the small stuff!!!